Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Memoirs that make my family look more like The Brady Bunch and less like the Simpsons!

The Glass Castle by Jeannette Wall

What a dysfunctional family! Moves during the middle of the night to avoid paying rent, an alcoholic father and a neglectful, artistic mother. She actually fell out of the car, and it was several miles before they noticed and came back to get her! I am really surprised she lived to tell her story. I read an interview Jeannette did, and she said her mother read the memoir and liked it. You just never know do you?

Made From Scratch by Sandra Lee

I was stunned to find out the queen of the semi-homemade was actually a pauper! She endured her mother's mental illness, welfare, sexual advances from her stepfather, and her father's imprisonment all while trying to go to school and keep her younger siblings on the straight and narrow. She definitely deserves her good fortune...and I guess she also deserves to be that pretty, thin, and rich too.

Her Last Death by Susanna Sonnenburg

Imagine being offered drugs by your own mother! Susanna was encouraged by her mother to have an affair with her high school English teacher. Her mom stole her boyfriend, overdosed in front of her, and compulsively lied to get what she wanted. This mommy is a train wreck!

Sickened by Julie Gregory

A shocking case of Munchausen syndrome by proxy that stops just shy of open heart surgery. Can you imagine a mother who enjoys attention from doctors so much that she makes her own child sick? I do not see how Julie became a functional person after such horrible treatment from the person who should have protected her.

Three Little Words by Ashley Rhodes-Courter

Ashley recounts being taken from her mother and put into foster care system. Shuffled around continuously, Ashley was actually placed in one foster home that was a living nightmare. Multiple children taking baths in the same water...GROSS. Physical cruelty and separations from her brother. She was eventually adopted by a couple in Florida who struggled with her outbursts (she actually drugged them so she could go out) and helped her to sue the foster family who mistreated her and countless other children.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Back to school already!!!

I love summer, it is the only time I can be a slacker and feel OK about it. I mean, to me a good breakfast is when I actually heat up the pop tarts. But now it is back to school and I have to come face to face with the "perfect mom", you know her, she is usually blond, gets up at 5 am to jog 3 miles before rousing her 2.5 perfect children and adorable husband. She then feeds them a well balanced breakfast, drives the kids to school in her immaculate SUV. She then dashes off to the perfect job all without mussing her hair. That is so not me. I am the one dragging the little boy by his backpack to class while muttering swear words under my breath, oh and I usually have already spilled something on me.

So I have found a wonderful little "handbook" that will help you cope with the back to school blues, The Woman who is always tan and has a flat stomach: and other annoying people by Lauren Allison and Lisa Perry. This book helps you identify and coexist with amazingly perfect women such as:
  • The nutrition mom who needs to be resuscitated after finding out you fed her child a hot dog
  • The perfect stage mom who wants the kindergarten class to perform The Bitter Tears of Petra Von Kant
  • The perfect Halloween mom who carves 43 pumpkins in the image of the U.S. Presidents
  • The woman who has dinner completed every day by 10 a.m.
  • The culinary mom who brings crab aspic and red pepper coulis to her child's school for snacktime

After reading this book you and I can at least have a little chuckle when you come in contact with the Mrs. Perfects of the world - and don't feel bad about your little chuckle, because they are probably having a little chuckle too; because if you are like me you only put make up on one eye and your bra strap is showing - again.